You Have Chosen Love

June 23, 2014

A Letter to Myself

Dear Haley,

Today marks exactly one year since you found out that your dad is transgender, and would be transitioning into a woman. I know this was the last possible thing you imagined would happen to you in the 22 years of your life. I know that this is the kind of thing that you thought only happened in made for TV documentaries, or articles in magazines. I know that you thought your dad was having an affair on your mom who turned a blind eye to spare you your childhood. I know you thought that you had made it through any chance of your parents separating after thirty years of marriage. I know you were happy. And I also now know – exactly one year later – that you are happy again.

I am sad that you were so unprepared for this. I am sad that you missed the now obvious signs that more was going on than you could have imagined. I am sorry that you now struggle with your own depression and anxiety, as well as the stress of feeling responsible to hold your mom and younger sister together. I am sad that you worry about your wedding, and not knowing who should walk you down the aisle. I know you have been grieving.

However, I know from this you have grown in more ways than you have suffered. You have learned more about yourself and have been given the opportunity to now teach others. You have become more compassionate, tolerant, open minded, soft hearted, strong, brave, and vocal about diversity and what it means to love. You have learned a new definition of what it means to be a parent and a father. You have realized that not all dads need to wear a tie and carry a brief case. You have realized that you do not need to conform to the social norms of what it means to be a family. Even more importantly you have realized that there really is no such thing as normal. You are not defined by where you come from, but rather by the choices you make. You have decided to boldly make these choices of finding your voice and using it for what you now know to be true. Love has no limits, and cannot be restricted by mere definitions of what a family is meant to look like. Love has no boundaries unless one creates them, and you have chosen not to. You have chosen to love your dad Jessie, in whatever vessel her soul happens to be encased in.

Finally, I leave you with these words.

When will we learn that it’s not the shell we walk around in that matters, but the contents carried inside?  -Tyler Knott Gregson

Haley